I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
