my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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