I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
And then my night got REAL pukey
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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