why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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