Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize
