If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
