Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
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