I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
pray to the hookup gods
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
