Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
