We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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