Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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