Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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