doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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