I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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