the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
