i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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