Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
