Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just want to make out with him forever
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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