just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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