oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
