I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
