Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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