dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
