As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
