i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
