you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
