It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
