apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
