We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Randomize
