I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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