between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
