Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
