so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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