Only a mothe r could love this liver
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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