just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
