You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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