My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
