I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just threw up on my dentist
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me