yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
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THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
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Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate