It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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