I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test