I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
