Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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