My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Let the clothes fall where they may.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
