I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
