buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
