Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
