I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I just found a bag of teeth...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
