we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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