My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
