I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
