There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
