im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Randomize
