I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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