i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
