You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
