No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
