Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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