Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
