Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
