why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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