your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
