I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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