Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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