so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
