Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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