It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I need to calm my uterus...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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