He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
