Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
