oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
