TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
